To Be My Man
by TF Princess
Summary: Jen has given Wes every reason to hate her, but he won't give up until she realizes how he feels. One-shot.


To Be My Man 

**By TF Princess**

**--**

**03-14-05**

x

_God, I feel like hell tonight_ _Tears of rage I cannot hide_

_x_

Jen slammed the door to the clock tower, heading upstairs where the others were gathered around the TV. She saw them all avoid her gaze as she sat down at the computer and began working quietly. She tried to focus on her work, but she couldn't. The day was catching up to her, everything was. She was going to snap at one of them if they even looked at her wrong, she knew it. But she didn't even care at the moment, everything was so screwed up that nothing mattered.

They'd been in the past for months now, longer than any of them had expected, and still they had hardly even seen Ransik, let alone come close to getting him. Each day meant something could be changing in the future, they had no way of knowing. They were responsible for the billions of lives between 2001 till the end of time, and they could be failing them all.

Jen sighed deeply. And then there was Wes. She snuck a glance at him where he sat watching the TV, a grin on his face as he chuckled at something. She didn't know what she thought about him anymore. He was so impossible—and yet . . .

She shook her head, silencing her thoughts before they could form. She had other things to worry about, they all did. That was why they were doing so bad anyway, no one was taking this seriously. They all thought they were on vacation or something.

Jen turned back to her work and blinked quickly as she felt hot tears come to her eyes. She didn't have time for that. And yet all she wanted to do was sit and cry. Why did everything have to be so damn hard? And so confusing.

"Jen?" asked a concerned voice. She turned and saw Wes standing a few feet away, looking concerned. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she snapped, looking back at the screen and hoping he didn't notice her moist eyes.

"You sure?" he asked, coming over. "Maybe you should give the work a rest for a while, why don't you come and sit with us?"

Jen looked at him in disgust. "I have a lot to do. And maybe if you all spent more time working and less sitting around watching TV, we'd be closer to completing our mission by now." She turned back, ignoring the hurt on his face. The last thing she needed right now was Wes telling her what she should be doing. Why couldn't he understand that she wanted to be alone?

_Because I don't,_ a voice said in her mind. _And he knows that._

"Jen, come on," he pressed, treading thin ice. He pulled up a chair and leaned on the table. "You wanna talk?"

"Do I look like I want to talk?" she asked.

"Something like that," he said.

"Wes, just leave me alone, okay?"

x _I'd be the last to help you understand_ _Are you strong enough to be my man?_

x

But he wouldn't, and she knew he wouldn't. It was something she hated and lov—_liked_—about him, she corrected herself mentally. He always knew. But why couldn't she figure out her own feelings for him? She liked him so much, and yet she couldn't tell him, couldn't even show him . . .

"Jen . . ." Wes began. Then he stopped, reaching forward and turning off the computer screen.

She looked at him in disbelief, anger rising in her quickly. "Why the hell did you do that? I was--"

"Working too hard," he interrupted.

Jen sighed. "Wes . . ." But she couldn't finish. There was too much in his eyes. Something she'd been avoiding for a long time, pretending she didn't notice. But it was there, and she was having a lot more trouble ignoring it.

She looked away, but at nothing really. "Look, I don't want to talk, okay?"

x

_Nothing's true and nothing's right_ _So let me be alone tonight_

_Cause you can't change the way I am_

_x_

Wes shook his head. "I don't understand," he said quietly. "Why won't you let us help you?"

Jen didn't answer right away. She didn't know how to explain it, it was just how she was, there was nothing else to it. Something had changed in her and she didn't even understand it herself. How could she expect him to?

Wes reached for her hand, tentatively placing his own on it. "I just want to make it better," he said gently.

"You don't even know what's wrong," Jen said, her eyes once more filling with tears.

He shrugged slightly, smiling just a little. "Do you?"

She gazed into his eyes, wondering if maybe there was something there for her, something real they could have. It was possible . . .

x

_Are you strong enough to be my man?  
_x 

xxxxxx

"Why do you even try, Wes?" Jen asked, leaning on the counter as Wes grinned from across it. "It's not worth it."

Wes smirked, shaking his head. "I'll get through to you," he said. "It might take a while, but I will."

She rolled her eyes, straightening. "I won't change for you, you should know that by now."

"I know," he said simply.

"Then why don't you just leave me alone?" she asked, pretending to write something on the notepad nearby. "There's too much about me you'll never understand anyway."

She could feel his eyes on her even as she stared down at her paper. "I'm willing to try," he said.

Jen paused, hearing something else in his voice. "What do you mean?" she asked slowly.

Wes was silent and she turned to look at him. He was searching for words, and she realized what he was trying to say. But she couldn't let him.

"Wes," she said before he could start. "I'm sorry, but, don't say it."

"Why not?" Wes looked at her quietly, all his emotions plain on his face. So honest.

Jen sighed, shaking her head. "You wouldn't last a week."

Wes raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't? How come? I've made it so far."

x

_Just try and love me if you can_

_Are you strong enough to be my man?_

_x_

"So far," she repeated. "Just do your best, I won't mind when you give up."

xxxxxx

_When I've shown you that I just don't care_

_x_

Jen looked over at Wes where he sat at the picnic table, staring quietly into space. She admitted, only to herself, that she felt bad about how she'd been treating him, all of the. But not bad enough to bring herself to apologize. They were going to get the job done eventually, and it would be because she pushed them like she did. That was the only reason she did it.

Well, that and the fact that she didn't want to encourage Wes any. He would change his mind about her, eventually he'd give in and realize that he didn't feel the way he though he did about her. It seemed strange to be trying to convince him of that, but it was for the best in the end. It would prevent a lot of problems later on. He would know that she was who she was and that wouldn't change. And he would find out that he couldn't take it.

Wes looked over at her, smiling a little. "I think we did pretty good today," he said, his voice hopeful.

"We still need a lot of work," Jen said flatly.

"Yeah, I guess," he said. "But we did better."

"Mmm," she said absently.

"Don't you think?" he asked slowly, an almost child-like need for approval in his voice.

Jen paused. "Wes, I have a lot to do." She stood, leaving the room.

x

_Or when I'm throwing punches in the air_

_x_

Jen hit the familiar tree with her fist, ignoring the pain it caused, and followed it with a series of kicks and punches, wishing she could knock it over, rip it from the ground. She wanted to feel satisfied with something she did, but she never was anymore.

She gritted her teeth as she heard Wes behind her. He did not want to be around her right now, he'd know that soon. She delivered another blow to the tree, hoping he got the message.

But he didn't. He never did. Wes came over, all smiles as usual. "Hey Jen."

She nodded briefly, not looking at him. He'd go away.

"Want some company?" he asked

"No," she replied shortly, glancing at him. Wes shrugged, staying anyway, and Jen stopped and looked at him, shaking her head slightly. 

_x_

_When I'm broken down and I can't stand_

x

Jen leaned against the wall in the lower room of the clock tower, closing her eyes. It was late, long past midnight, and everyone else was asleep, but she couldn't rest. She kept thinking, and planning, wishing and hoping. Though none of it did any good.

She slid down the wall and sat there quietly, listening to the quiet sounds around her. It was all so different from home, at first she'd almost like it, but now . . . She put her head on her knees, hugging them tightly. She wanted to go home so bad.

She was failing, and only she knew it. The others actually trusted her now, even Wes. They followed her even when they didn't like it, because they knew she would get them through. But she couldn't do it. She didn't know what she was doing now, how could she? She was failing them all. Failing Alex. Jen let the tears fall down her face, there was no one there to see them.

But she was wrong. Jen felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and looked up, knowing who was there. Wes sat down beside her and put a strong arm around her shoulders. "It's okay, Jen," he whispered. She tried to answer but he stopped her. "Shh, I understand."

Jen tried to pull away but found she couldn't. The tears fell freely now as she choked back a sob, leaning her head on Wes' shoulder and closing her eyes tightly. Wes whispered quietly to her as she began to cry openly, unable to stop herself. She clung to his shirt tightly and forgot all about her lies, who she pretended to be. She didn't care anymore.

Only when she was finally able to take a deep breath, almost steadily, did she think about what she had let him see. Something she didn't show anyone. But Wes didn't mind. His blue eyes smiled at her even through his concern, and his face showed nothing but compassion and support.

Jen looked at him, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry," she managed. "I don't usually do this." It sounded so pathetic.

"I know," he said. "But sometimes you have to." He sighed, pulling her closer. "You don't have to be strong all the time, Jen." 

x

_Would you be man enough to be my man?_

x

Jen looked at him quietly for a long time, and finally realized it was true. She didn't have to be strong always, because he was for her. She found herself smiling a little. "Wes, I . . ." but she drifted off, unsure of what to say.

"It's okay," Wes said quietly.

She leaned back down on his shoulder quietly. His arm felt so good around her, she wished she could stay there forever. She felt so secure with him in that moment, like nothing could get to her, even though her guard was completely down. She liked it a lot more than she'd ever thought she would, relaxing and actually letting someone be there for her.

Jen had never noticed his quiet strength before, never thought that maybe his optimism and cheerful attitude were his way of maintaining his own hope, of convincing himself and everyone else that things would be all right. And it worked. He never failed, and it couldn't be easy. Everything she though he was, she was starting to have second thoughts about. Wes had been there for her since the beginning, and still she'd never had any faith in him. He'd seen her at her worst, and never at her best, and yet he was still there, still trying. She wouldn't have thought anyone could be like that. But he was.

Wes leaned his head on hers. "You okay now?"

"Yeah," she said quietly. She took a deep breath. "Wes, I'm sorry. For everything."

"It's all right," he said. "As long as you know I'm here now."

"I do," she said. "You always have been, I just—" she broke off. This was hard. Never had she wished more that she was staring him down during the day, after a fight when she felt more like herself. It was so much easier than being so honest.

"You don't have to explain it," Wes said.

She paused. There was so much to say. But it could wait. Someday she'd try to tell him everything she felt, all her thoughts and even her fears. For now, she was content knowing he would be there whenever she was ready, and he would be there no matter what after that. He could take it, he didn't want to change her. He'd proven it time and time again, he was strong enough.

"Try and get some sleep," Wes said quietly.

Jen smiled. And he was so much more than that, so gently and caring. What was more important? She closed her eyes and felt his tired breathing, knowing he would fight hard to stay awake until she was sound asleep, but would probably fail. She felt herself drifting off as well, and for the first time her thoughts were peaceful ones, knowing she was safe and he was there. Nothing else mattered. x


End file.
